Eurovision 2024 AKA unc and cincy’s annoying time

Gather round nieces, nephews and niblings. Next month will mark the return of Eurovision, which will take place from Tuesday May 7th to Saturday May 11th. cincinnasti and I may be the only ones on here to regularly keep up with it, but I wanted to see if we could get some more people on board before May.

(Note: I did my best with this little post, but I may have gotten some info wrong, so if I did pls correct me)

So let’s begin with some beginner info:

What is Eurovision?
    Eurovision is a multi-day competition where participating countries send chosen artists to perform against other countries for One Ultimate Winner. There are two semifinals: May 7th and May 9th, with the finals on May 11th.
    One of the most recent notable winners has been Maneskin, who won the contest in 2021 (and the song they won with is a banger, and tbh their Italian songs hit harder than any of their English ones). Conchita Wurst, a drag queen, won for Austria in 2014 and become one of the handful of LGBTQ+ winners. The most renowned winner is arguably ABBA, who won with “Waterloo” in 1974— which is fitting because not only is Eurovision being held in Sweden this year, it is also the 50th anniversary of ABBA winning.

Where is it being held? And how can I watch?
    As mentioned above, Sweden is the host. The winning country hosts the following year’s Eurovision; Sweden won 2023’s. You’ll be able to stream it on Peacock in the US, or if you subscribe to a streaming service that carries BBC, you can watch there as well. The US stream will have Johnny Weir commentating and the UK stream will have Graham Norton. Or, use a VPN and watch from any country.

How does Eurovision work?
    Each country, if they accept the invitation to compete, will hold their own individual mini-contests earlier in the year to pick their selected artists. These artists do not have to be residents of the countries they are representing; Celine Dion competed for Switzerland in 1988 (and won!) Countries can have entries from well known artists to up-and-comers; this isn’t a competition for “new talent”, it is a showcase of different cultures, people, and ideas. Once each country picks their representative, they all travel to the host country to compete. Half of the countries (sort of half— more on this later) compete on Tuesday, where voting is held immediately after and people are cut. The other half perform on Thursday, voting, cut. Then everyone who made it through the semis comes together on Saturday for the final. There aren’t many rules on what an artist can or cannot do. They can sing any language. The main rule is the song must be an original song, i.e., written in the past year and not formally released in any way.
    Voting works twofold: juries and public voting. During the semis, it’s public televote only, then the juries come in for the finals. A unique aspect of Eurovision is residents cannot vote for their own country, so all the points must be allocated to other countries. Voting takes place immediately after the performances during an “intermission”. For the semis, the exact amount of public votes are not revealed, and instead the hosts only announce in random order who made it forward.
    For the finals, each country has their own Eurovision jury and are allowed a certain number of points to dole out, which is announced first. These place all the countries into a seeded order. Like the semis, the public will submit their votes which are then tallied up and converted into a similar points system as the juries. Then those are announced one by one, starting with the lowest seeded country and are added to the jury points. This is the most climatic part of the entire shebang and it’s fascinating to see how different the public’s favorites are compared to the juries’ picks.
    An exciting development: this will be the first year US citizens are allowed to vote.

Who is competing this year?
    Participating countries this year are: Albania, Armenia, Australia, Austria, Azerbaijan, Belgium, Croatia, Cyprus, Czechia, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Georgia, Germany, Greece, Iceland, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Latvia, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Malta, Moldova, Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Portugal, San Marino, Serbia, Slovenia, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Ukraine and the UK. In order for a country to qualify, they must be a member of the European Broadcast Union*; any country that is a member is invited but they do not have to accept.

The Big 5:
    There are five countries that are able to bypass the semis and go straight into the finals: the UK, France, Spain, Germany, and Italy. These are the EBU’s biggest markets—and the biggest financial contributors—so they get special privileges. Is it unfair? Probably. A capitalistic move? Yeah. But this does guarantee that millions of people WILL be watching on that Saturday final. And, because people can’t vote for their own country, those are millions of votes that will be going to the smaller countries who had to go through the semis. There's an unfortunate but true stereotype that the UK, despite always being in the finals, receives no or very few points.
    Another note: the current year’s host country also automatically goes forward to the finals.

*But Australia is included?
    Correct! They are a somewhat recent addition, and not the first non-Eurasian country to participate. Eurovision has streamed on their national network since the 80s and it gained a following ever since. They were invited to compete in 2015 despite the fact that they were not a member of the EBU but are now considered an “associate member” of the EBU. Although there are many other countries who are associate members, Australia, Canada, and Kazakhstan are the only ones who are invited to do Eurovision events.

So the US can’t compete?
    Do you really want that homie
    (But no, although we are an associate member, that isn’t something we are privy to. Simply an observer.)

Can artists come back and be part of Eurovision again?
    Yep! The artist who won for Sweden in 2023 also won in 2012.

So like, why? What makes it so good?
    Idk man, it’s so unlike any kind of competition we have in the states. It’s so campy, heart wrenching, hilarious, cringy, moving, and wonderful all in one. I’ve discovered so many great artists because of it who stay in my regular rotation of Spotify listening. But really I watch for the weird stuff.


If you want to get a head start, here are each countries’ chosen representatives and their songs:

Albania: Titan - Besa
Armenia: Jako - Ladaniva
Australia: One Milkali (One Blood) - Electric Fields
Austria: We Will Rave - Kaleen
Azerbaijan: Özünlə apar - Fahree feat. Ilkin Dovlatov
Belgium: Before the Party's Over - Mustii
Croatia: Rim Tim Tagi Dim - Baby Lasagna
Cyprus: Liar - Silia Kapsis
Czechia: Pedestal - Aiko
Denmark: Sand - Sabo
Estonia: (Nendest) narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi - 5miinust and Puuluup
Finland: No Rules! - Windows95man
France: Mon amour - Slimane
Georgia: Firefighter - Nutsa Buzaladze
Germany: Always on the Run - Isaak
Greece: Zari - Marina Satti
Iceland: Scared of Heights - Hera Björk
Ireland: Doomsday Blue - Bambie Thug
Israel: Hurricane - Eden Golan
Italy: La noia - Angelina Mango
Latvia: Hollow - Dons
Lithuania: Luktelk - Silvester Belt
Luxembourg: Fighter - Tali
Malta: Loop - Sarah Bonnici
Moldova: In the Middle - Natalia Barbu
Netherlands: Europapa - Joost Klein
Norway: Ulveham - Gåte
Poland: The Tower - Luna
Portugal: Grito - Iolanda
San Marino: 11:11 - Megara
Serbia: Ramonda - Teya Dora
Slovenia: Veronika - Raiven
Spain: Zorra - Nebulossa
Sweden: Unforgettable - Marcus & Martinus
Switzerland: The Code - Nemo
Ukraine: Teresa & Marina - Alyona Alyona and Jerry Heil
UK: Dizzy - Olly Alexander