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My dad has been diagnosed with an "aggressive" form of bladder cancer. I am numb. I'm shaken to my core and feel utterly helpless. My sis & mom are really close, but I'm a daddy's girl. He and mom don't want the grandkids to know quite yet, but I'm not sure I can keep it together in front of my daughter much longer
I am so sorry to hear this. Your daughter is mature enough to handle it. She is going to know something bad is happening anyway, there is no way you can hide this. You two can be a comfort to each other.
My dad has been diagnosed with an "aggressive" form of bladder cancer. I am numb. I'm shaken to my core and feel utterly helpless. My sis & mom are really close, but I'm a daddy's girl. He and mom don't want the grandkids to know quite yet, but I'm not sure I can keep it together in front of my daughter much longer
i am so so sorry to hear this. i know that everyone's process is different, but please feel free to reach out if you need to talk or work through anything.
I am so tired. Tired of tears. Tired of having to put on a fake face. Tired of pretending. Tired of keeping everything inside. Tired of feeling like I am alone, even though I know I am not. Tired of working on myself, trying to find worth in myself. Tired of not knowing what I am doing, or doing everything wrong. Tired of making myself get up when all I want to do is stay in bed. Tired of taking medication. Tired of being overwhelmed in everything I do. Tired of having to be strong for others. Tired of the thoughts in my head. Tired of everything.
We love you and you can always reach out to vent and get hugs. <3
My dad has been diagnosed with an "aggressive" form of bladder cancer. I am numb. I'm shaken to my core and feel utterly helpless. My sis & mom are really close, but I'm a daddy's girl. He and mom don't want the grandkids to know quite yet, but I'm not sure I can keep it together in front of my daughter much longer
I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so tired. Tired of tears. Tired of having to put on a fake face. Tired of pretending. Tired of keeping everything inside. Tired of feeling like I am alone, even though I know I am not. Tired of working on myself, trying to find worth in myself. Tired of not knowing what I am doing, or doing everything wrong. Tired of making myself get up when all I want to do is stay in bed. Tired of taking medication. Tired of being overwhelmed in everything I do. Tired of having to be strong for others. Tired of the thoughts in my head. Tired of everything.
It breaks my heart to see someone as kind and caring as you go through this. I hope you are able yo reach out to friends even though all you may want to do is isolate. I hoe that things get better with you and you can start finding peace within yourself.
I dropped my (reasonably new) iPod and the screen cracked. I wanna cry
Ugh that sucks. If it makes you feel any better my once beloved iPod decides to erase itself some six years ago. Under one of the menu settin’s it still said I had some 15000 songs, but it could no longer access them. The “Genius Bar” was no help whatsoever. I managed to recover some 70-80% of the music, but there is some stuff forever lost.
I dropped my (reasonably new) iPod and the screen cracked. I wanna cry
Ugh that sucks. If it makes you feel any better my once beloved iPod decides to erase itself some six years ago. Under one of the menu settin’s it still said I had some 15000 songs, but it could no longer access them. The “Genius Bar” was no help whatsoever. I managed to recover some 70-80% of the music, but there is some stuff forever lost.
Ugh that sucks. If it makes you feel any better my once beloved iPod decides to erase itself some six years ago. Under one of the menu settin’s it still said I had some 15000 songs, but it could no longer access them. The “Genius Bar” was no help whatsoever. I managed to recover some 70-80% of the music, but there is some stuff forever lost.
Why didn’t you just re sync it?
My ol’ laptop did not have the hard-drive space to back up everythin’. I might have another 5% of my old library on vaguely labeled CD-Rs, but several times a month I still wish I could hear those few tunes I know are gone!
Post by NothingButFlowers on Oct 19, 2017 14:34:23 GMT -5
This is about to be the saddest GRRR post ever, so prepare yourself.
Every day, I do the Sets puzzle game thing on The NY Times crossword page. I have to do it on my phone because it’s blocked by my work’s filter. I went to try to do today’s, and when it loads, it comes up all funky, so I can only see about a quarter of the board and there’s no way to resize it or move it around. I don’t think I will be able to feel complete until I have done today’s Sets.
So, I went in for an interview for a job that is PERFECT for me. It's basically exactly what I did in my last internship, but on a much larger scale with more notable events. Following the interview, I got asked to come in for a half-day and worked on some "confidential" content and did a few interview pitches and email correspondence with some clients as part of my little trial run. Every thing went great, I got along with everyone, found the tasks they gave me well within my skill set, and I was only supposed to be there till 1p and they kept me till 3:30p- which I thought was a great sign. I followed up with a thank-you email that evening and was feeling like I had this in the bag.
I found out today I didn't get it. The lady personally called me rather than emailing me to tell me that it was down to me and one other person, which is why it had taken them a while to get back to me (my half day was a week ago) because they apparently were having a hard time deciding between the two of us. Apparently it came down to "technical skills", which she said the biggest thing was that apparently I didn't format some things in the Mardi Gras program I worked on as they wanted.... but it was just a draft and they stopped me working on it in the middle of it to switch me to the interview things before the day ran out.... so I'm kinda annoyed that that's what it came down to because that was a work in progress, not a final thing... Anyways, she asked if she could keep my info on file in case this person doesn't work out or anything else opens up for me in their company (which is really small, so I'm not holding my breath here).
I've gotten rejections for jobs before, but this one really stings. I was already feeling pretty defeated on the job hunt here before this and now it's really shitty to think that I couldn't even get a job that I felt perfect for. I really, really thought I had this job. Not only was it something that I'd done before so the confidence to perform was up, but it was the exact type of work I wanted to be doing. Now I'm back to square one and feeling completely defeated bc I really need a job and I feel under-qualified for everything that's out there and the things I am qualified for I get turned down before even getting an interview because of the type of Visa I have. It's insanely frustrating.
Monie, I’m sorry to hear it didn’t work out like you had wanted. I’ve had a few interviews in the last few years, and worse a job that was just bull-shittin’ me ‘bout promotin’ me fer several months. I’ve been a bit depressed over it lately, but I’ve found a few things lately that I’m tryin’ to get excited ‘bout applyin’ fer.
My job is switching to biweekly paychecks next year because we're going to a new HR system, which means that for the month of January I'm only getting three weeks' worth of pay - last weekly paycheck on the 5th and first biweekly check on the 19th. I live paycheck to paycheck and it's looking like this might prevent me from getting anyone Christmas gifts this year.
Also my birthday's next week, so I was going to have people over this weekend like I do every year. Though this year I decided to just invite my close friends, instead of the people I usually invite whose company I enjoy but also never hit me up to anything with them throughout the year. Because screw one-sided friendcquaitances. Well of the people I invited, half couldn't make it and the ones that said they could just canceled today. I have no hard feelings because I know these are people who would definitely come if they were able to, but it still sucks. I don't get to see my friends often at all and I was really looking forward to it.
5.5/four tet, daphni b2b floating points, avalon emerson 5.12/neil young 5.19/mannequin pussy 5.21/serpentwithfeet 5.25/hozier 6.12-16/bonnaroo 6.28/goose 6.29/goose 9.17/the national + the war on drugs 9.23/sigur ros 9.27-29/making time 10.17/air
My job is switching to biweekly paychecks next year because we're going to a new HR system, which means that for the month of January I'm only getting three weeks' worth of pay - last weekly paycheck on the 5th and first biweekly check on the 19th. I live paycheck to paycheck and it's looking like this might prevent me from getting anyone Christmas gifts this year.
Also my birthday's next week, so I was going to have people over this weekend like I do every year. Though this year I decided to just invite my close friends, instead of the people I usually invite whose company I enjoy but also never hit me up to anything with them throughout the year. Because screw one-sided friendcquaitances. Well of the people I invited, half couldn't make it and the ones that said they could just canceled today. I have no hard feelings because I know these are people who would definitely come if they were able to, but it still sucks. I don't get to see my friends often at all and I was really looking forward to it.
I'm sorry to hear that. Understandable, but disappointing nonetheless. Happy remote birthday party!
We're all a mess of paradoxes. Believing in things we know can't be true. We walk around carrying feelings too complicated and contradictory to express. But when it all becomes too big, and words aren't enough to help get it all out, there's always music.
Biweekly rules over twice a month. I fucking hated when we switched 2 years ago. 26 checks a year and either one or two months when you got paid 3x vs twice a month and the occasional fuck job when the 15th is a Monday holiday so you get paid on the 12th and have to make that shit last until the 31st. They also blamed it on a software upgrade. It's bullshit though because it's software. Anything can be computed. So I preferred every other Friday (and was always ahead of all bills and paid them as they came in) to the 15th/last day scenario.
Then again if you are used to getting paid every week, I can see how it sucks.
Everyone, except my niece, has canceled on me for Thanksgiving. EVERYONE, all today. Three days before. I have bought everything already. My feelings are very hurt since this is the first Thanksgiving in MY house. I understand everyone's reasonings and it isn't like they all banned together to boycott me, but it doesn't lessen the blow or the fact that I have been planning this for weeks and was excited to have my family over for the holiday. I guess it is what it is, and I'll get over being butt hurt soon enough.
Kind of a Grrrrr. Idk. I decided I’m finally gonna see someone about my depression. It’s something I’ve always known I have but have just kinda smiled my way through it but this past semester has been brutal for me. Not one major thing i expected/worked really hard for panned our. As a result of stretching myself thin my grades are not in s good place. I fell in love with a girl who was only using me to get back at her ex. On top of this, one of my best friends is moving 2 hours away and the other is moving to Winter Park, Colorado (idk how far that is but it’s far). It’s been rough. My parents are worried and honestly so am I. I also don’t want to take antidepressants. I’ve been happy before and don’t want my happiness to be from medicine. I want it to come authentically. Before I knew that girl was playing me I had never been happier in my life. That is the feeling I want. I’m sorry this is super personal and I probably shouldn’t post it online but I’ve been hurting and need to tell someone who is fine with being put in a bad mood.
Kind of a Grrrrr. Idk. I decided I’m finally gonna see someone about my depression. It’s something I’ve always known I have but have just kinda smiled my way through it but this past semester has been brutal for me. Not one major thing i expected/worked really hard for panned our. As a result of stretching myself thin my grades are not in s good place. I fell in love with a girl who was only using me to get back at her ex. On top of this, one of my best friends is moving 2 hours away and the other is moving to Winter Park, Colorado (idk how far that is but it’s far). It’s been rough. My parents are worried and honestly so am I. I also don’t want to take antidepressants. I’ve been happy before and don’t want my happiness to be from medicine. I want it to come authentically. Before I knew that girl was playing me I had never been happier in my life. That is the feeling I want. I’m sorry this is super personal and I probably shouldn’t post it online but I’ve been hurting and need to tell someone who is fine with being put in a bad mood.
No worries sharing this, there's a lot of people here that have suffered from depression and/or other mental illnesses. A lot of people that are willing to talk to you about it as well.
It's very complicated but let's go over some basics. I've been where you are, in college and on the fence about getting treatment. Don't do what I did and try to push through. That's risking things getting worse and you spiraling down. Which could effect your grades and social life even worse. Lots of people put off getting treatment of any kind because they don't want to admit something's wrong, they don't want medication, fear the stigma attached to it, etc.
At this point you don't even know what's wrong. Be on the safe side and see a professional about it. Taking medicine isn't the end of the world, and that's if it even comes to that. Again, you don't know. But listen, antidepressants aren't happy pills. They help with a chemical imbalance. IMBALANCE. So the idea is to level out the chemicals so you feel more like your normal self(balanced). It's not there to elevate your mood or act like some kind of hippie drug you'd get at Bonnaroo. That's a happy pill. Antidepressants are prescribed to try and get you back to normal. Remember that depression has wider ranging symptoms than just unhappiness. It can effect your ability to function in a myriad of ways. If you're prescribed antidepressants it's for your overall health. Just like a doctor might give you antibiotics for an infection.
Maybe you just need to talk to someone? Going through school, a breakup and just the current state of the world is a lot. There's no shame in feeling overwhelmed and going to a counselor or therapist. Most Universities have those services now. They are there for just this sort of thing. Use them. Believe me, I know it's hard to take these steps. You'll try to talk yourself out of it and say you don't need it. But if you're really feeling down please go see someone. You have nothing to lose by trying it out.
Kind of a Grrrrr. Idk. I decided I’m finally gonna see someone about my depression. It’s something I’ve always known I have but have just kinda smiled my way through it but this past semester has been brutal for me. Not one major thing i expected/worked really hard for panned our. As a result of stretching myself thin my grades are not in s good place. I fell in love with a girl who was only using me to get back at her ex. On top of this, one of my best friends is moving 2 hours away and the other is moving to Winter Park, Colorado (idk how far that is but it’s far). It’s been rough. My parents are worried and honestly so am I. I also don’t want to take antidepressants. I’ve been happy before and don’t want my happiness to be from medicine. I want it to come authentically. Before I knew that girl was playing me I had never been happier in my life. That is the feeling I want. I’m sorry this is super personal and I probably shouldn’t post it online but I’ve been hurting and need to tell someone who is fine with being put in a bad mood.
We all go through stuff. I've been dealing with crap at work that's almost made me have a nervous breakdown. Like SupeЯfuЯЯyanimal said, go see someone. That's the most important thing. And medication doesn't have to be forever. They can help you get through whatever you are dealing with right now, and with time you can get off of them when you are better.
Kind of a Grrrrr. Idk. I decided I’m finally gonna see someone about my depression. It’s something I’ve always known I have but have just kinda smiled my way through it but this past semester has been brutal for me. Not one major thing i expected/worked really hard for panned our. As a result of stretching myself thin my grades are not in s good place. I fell in love with a girl who was only using me to get back at her ex. On top of this, one of my best friends is moving 2 hours away and the other is moving to Winter Park, Colorado (idk how far that is but it’s far). It’s been rough. My parents are worried and honestly so am I. I also don’t want to take antidepressants. I’ve been happy before and don’t want my happiness to be from medicine. I want it to come authentically. Before I knew that girl was playing me I had never been happier in my life. That is the feeling I want. I’m sorry this is super personal and I probably shouldn’t post it online but I’ve been hurting and need to tell someone who is fine with being put in a bad mood.
No worries sharing this, there's a lot of people here that have suffered from depression and/or other mental illnesses. A lot of people that are willing to talk to you about it as well.
It's very complicated but let's go over some basics. I've been where you are, in college and on the fence about getting treatment. Don't do what I did and try to push through. That's risking things getting worse and you spiraling down. Which could effect your grades and social life even worse. Lots of people put off getting treatment of any kind because they don't want to admit something's wrong, they don't want medication, fear the stigma attached to it, etc.
At this point you don't even know what's wrong. Be on the safe side and see a professional about it. Taking medicine isn't the end of the world, and that's if it even comes to that. Again, you don't know. But listen, antidepressants aren't happy pills. They help with a chemical imbalance. IMBALANCE. So the idea is to level out the chemicals so you feel more like your normal self(balanced). It's not there to elevate your mood or act like some kind of hippie drug you'd get at Bonnaroo. That's a happy pill. Antidepressants are prescribed to try and get you back to normal. Remember that depression has wider ranging symptoms than just unhappiness. It can effect your ability to function in a myriad of ways. If you're prescribed antidepressants it's for your overall health. Just like a doctor might give you antibiotics for an infection.
Maybe you just need to talk to someone? Going through school, a breakup and just the current state of the world is a lot. There's no shame in feeling overwhelmed and going to a counselor or therapist. Most Universities have those services now. They are there for just this sort of thing. Use them. Believe me, I know it's hard to take these steps. You'll try to talk yourself out of it and say you don't need it. But if you're really feeling down please go see someone. You have nothing to lose by trying it out.
I actually got a pamphlet for the school’s services the other day.
Kind of a Grrrrr. Idk. I decided I’m finally gonna see someone about my depression. It’s something I’ve always known I have but have just kinda smiled my way through it but this past semester has been brutal for me. Not one major thing i expected/worked really hard for panned our. As a result of stretching myself thin my grades are not in s good place. I fell in love with a girl who was only using me to get back at her ex. On top of this, one of my best friends is moving 2 hours away and the other is moving to Winter Park, Colorado (idk how far that is but it’s far). It’s been rough. My parents are worried and honestly so am I. I also don’t want to take antidepressants. I’ve been happy before and don’t want my happiness to be from medicine. I want it to come authentically. Before I knew that girl was playing me I had never been happier in my life. That is the feeling I want. I’m sorry this is super personal and I probably shouldn’t post it online but I’ve been hurting and need to tell someone who is fine with being put in a bad mood.
Proud of you for recognizing you're not where you want to be and taking steps to in the right direction. That's so, so hard for a lot of people. Also, try not to think of yourself or your emotions as being a burden on others (I'm getting whiffs of that based last sentence - forgive my assumption if I'm off base). There are a great many people who are able and willing to listen compassionately and hold space for other people's emotions. And the ones who care about you are willing to listen regardless - because we're in this together, and that's what you do when someone you care about is hurting. Sometimes we carry each other's weight for a little while, and that's okay. Today's it you, tomorrow it could be me. It's alright.
5.5/four tet, daphni b2b floating points, avalon emerson 5.12/neil young 5.19/mannequin pussy 5.21/serpentwithfeet 5.25/hozier 6.12-16/bonnaroo 6.28/goose 6.29/goose 9.17/the national + the war on drugs 9.23/sigur ros 9.27-29/making time 10.17/air
Kind of a Grrrrr. Idk. I decided I’m finally gonna see someone about my depression. It’s something I’ve always known I have but have just kinda smiled my way through it but this past semester has been brutal for me. Not one major thing i expected/worked really hard for panned our. As a result of stretching myself thin my grades are not in s good place. I fell in love with a girl who was only using me to get back at her ex. On top of this, one of my best friends is moving 2 hours away and the other is moving to Winter Park, Colorado (idk how far that is but it’s far). It’s been rough. My parents are worried and honestly so am I. I also don’t want to take antidepressants. I’ve been happy before and don’t want my happiness to be from medicine. I want it to come authentically. Before I knew that girl was playing me I had never been happier in my life. That is the feeling I want. I’m sorry this is super personal and I probably shouldn’t post it online but I’ve been hurting and need to tell someone who is fine with being put in a bad mood.
I got prescribed antidepressants a couple years ago when my depression/anxiety was giving me terrible insomnia and fucking up a lot of other stuff in my life because of that. I took it a few times and hated how it made me feel, but my main point is that stuff like that effects everyone differently and you can always just try it out and if it isn't something that works for you, there's no reason you have to keep taking it.
Kind of a Grrrrr. Idk. I decided I’m finally gonna see someone about my depression
I’ve recently forced myself to see a therapist, though it was for other but still relatable things. Good on you for doing it. I hope it treats you well. Talking to someone has made my life a lot better already.
Minor GRR in the grand scheme of things, but I’m hangin’ out at a little soirée on our vacation this week. Dude man has been crushin’ on garbage EDM all night and finally asks me what I wanna hear. My answer did not make him happy and I’m still listenin’ to trash.
::edit::
I am now listenin’ to garbage butt-rock. Like so bad I would take Nickelback so hard and fast right now.
Inforoo send good vibes, please. I have four more days of this “vacation,” and I need help.
Minor GRR in the grand scheme of things, but I’m hangin’ out at a little soirée on our vacation this week. Dude man has been crushin’ on garbage EDM all night and finally asks me what I wanna hear. My answer did not make him happy and I’m still listenin’ to trash.
::edit::
I am now listenin’ to garbage butt-rock. Like so bad I would take Nickelback so hard and fast right now.
Inforoo send good vibes, please. I have four more days of this “vacation,” and I need help.