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Post by zenalicious on Oct 25, 2016 11:10:30 GMT -5
Yes, it's been awhile. Allow me to explain a few things, in some sort of coherent fashion.
First, for those of you (and that is more than a few) who are dear to me and friends on Facebook, I have temporarily disabled my Facebook account. Please don't take it personally _ I assure you that it has nothing to do with any of you. Why would I do such a thing?
I am trying to minimize my social media footprint, since I am having such a difficult time finding a permanent job, and there is the possibility of some litigation against the person who has single-handedly derailed my career that I worked so hard for.
I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut about things I am passionate about. That includes, of course, politics and my general sense of right and wrong. In the past I have been able to be friends with people of all political persuasions, and was even married for 24 years to someone that my political views varied widely from (however, we respected each other and were able to discuss intelligently). The clusterfuck that is the 2016 election has destroyed that detente. A few weeks ago a person that I have known since high school (and that is a long time) said some very cruel and hurtful things to me just because of what I believed in. That was the last straw. Either delete/unfriend a whole bunch of very misguided people and burn some bridges forever, or just leave. I chose the cowardly approach.
I know people get tired of hearing the same shit over and over from me about how hopeless and miserable I feel. I am not going to be a Debbie Downer.
I am currently living with my mother (it's own brand of hell) with no internet access at her house and all of my household goods are in storage in her garage. I have zero privacy. She is struggling on a very fixed income but won't be proactive to help herself in some ways that I have suggested. I do what I can out of duty, and of course I love her because she birthed me, but we have some serious baggage in the past. Her strategy for life is avoidance. I just found out that her taxes on her house are unpaid for the last 2 years, and she is in danger of losing the home, so I am having to dip into my dwindling savings to pay that. Yet she resists any efforts for me to help her move, help her sign up for assistance, etc.
I am working 12-15 hours a week at a local community clinic for the uninsured, which gets me out of the house and at least keeps my skills current. I make just a tiny bit of money. I continue to search for something permanent and full time, but either that undeserved bad reference comes up - or if I am proactive and transparent, and bring it up in the interview, the story is just too off-putting. So I may end up far from home before it's over.
I am in the gym at least 4-5 days a week, and that plus the little bit of work is helping to counter the thoughts I had almost every night for awhile that I just hoped I would not wake up the next day. I still think that some, but much less frequently.
Most of all I want you all to know that I love you. My Inforoo family has been a source of joy for several years, and I don't want that to end. Obviously with my not being able to travel for fests and shows right now, and with not being on Facebook, you will think that I have deserted you all. Please don't do that. Know that you are in my heart and soul. Don't forget me <3
