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Hi! So this isn't my usual poster name. I created a new account in order to get honest feedback and advice on this. I value the opinions of the people on this board.
My signifigant other and I haven't told any friends and family yet, but I'm eager for advice. We're only a month in, Anyone have advice for first time parents? We're married btw and this was a planned pregnancy.
Any response is appreciated
Last Edit: Sept 20, 2013 12:56:05 GMT -5 by Deleted - Back to Top
Post by Dave Maynar on Sept 20, 2013 12:57:46 GMT -5
No matter what decisions you make, you are going to have someone who will second guess your decisions, so do what you think is right and don't get wrapped up in what they complain about.
Post by Dave Maynar on Sept 20, 2013 13:00:12 GMT -5
P.S. You will have to tell us your actual name before the end of this. I am just glad you said you are married, so I don't have to worry about Flanz reproducing just yet.
Post by Roo'adelphia on Sept 20, 2013 13:30:11 GMT -5
1. Married 2. Planned 3. Pregers Looks like you guys are on the right track. Congrats!
Advice. Being that my little brother is 8 years younger then me and my only sibling, my advice would be if your thinking about having another child, (already!?!?!?.... yes I know but just hear me out) do it sooner then later. My brother and I were always worlds apart growing up (different friends/never in the same school) and if we were a closer age I feel we would have a better bond then we do now. Im looked at moreso a parent from his perspective who could get him in trouble rather then a brother who he can hangout with or ask for advice.
Post by billypilgrim on Sept 20, 2013 13:33:40 GMT -5
Don't tell people what names your considering. They'll shoot them down and it's not up to them anyway.
Some people don't find out the gender because they want it to be a surprise. That's silly. When a human with 50% of your DNA pops its head out of your wife's vagina, it's surprising enough regardless of gender.
It's OK, even useful, to read books like "What to Expect When You're Expecting." But some people get a bit obsessive. A couple of books is plenty.
People that your wife would never think of allowing to touch her will ask if they can feel her belly. "I'm not really comfortable with that" is a perfectly fine response. So is "Fuck off dirtbag."
Rest up.
Everyone who's had a kid thinks they're an expert. They're not. Don't take their advice too seriously. That goes for me too.
Advice for your wife: Make a birth plan that SHE is comfortable with and stand her ground. Don't just go along with what the doctors say because they're doctors. If she wants to have an epidural, get an epidural. If she wants to give birth in a tub, give birth in a tub. If she wants a doula, get a doula. When I had my son, I did what was expected of me, which was go to a ob/gyn and listen to everything they told me. That ended up with an unnecessarily induced labor which caused trouble for my baby and almost my death. Your wife should go with her gut. A pregnant women's instincts are the best indicator of what she should and shouldn't do. She shouldn't feel pressured. EVER.
These may not be true for everyone - but here are some of the things I did that I'm glad I did, and some of the things I wish I did:
Plan all you want, but realize that something will ALWAYS happen that you didn't plan for and you have to be able to roll with punches and think on your feet.
Don't worry about how big he/she is, when he/she walks, when he/she is potty trained - parents can be naturally insecure and so they resort to comparing to other babies. Parents kill themselves worrying about this stuff, when 99% of us learn how to walk, how to talk, how to pee in a toilet (close enough anyway), and are at a functioning level of height. If the doc ain't worried, you're probably ok.
On that note - think for yourself, but trust your doctor. If it doesn't feel right, investigate - but docs and nurses and NPs have seen thousands and thousands of babies and usually know what they're talking about. Except when they don't.
Make time for you and your spouse - don't wait for two years to have a date night. Keep your relationship fresh even with the exhaustion of a baby and it can translate into a refreshed relationship with your baby.
You will not do everything just the way your mom and dad did, whether you want to or not - their advice is welcome but your rejection of said advice is also welcome.
You will do some things your mom and dad did that you do not like - it's nature. Recognize it and work on getting rid of it if you can.
Get a glider, you can find some for about $100 - trust me, you'll thank me at around 3am some morning.
You will screw up. A lot. The key is not to be too hard on yourself while also figuring out how not to screw up the same way twice.
You will screw up the same way twice. See above.
First and middle names last forever.
Put any finer clothing you may have to the back of the closet. You will get peed on, pooped on, thrown up on, spit on - sometimes more than one of these at the same time. Embrace this fact early - you will get used to it.
Talk to your spouse, if you haven't already, about some key things in raising a baby - spank or not to spank; if a boy, circumcise or not; public, private or homeschool; finances; in a church or no church; just some examples - helps to know you're both on the same page as much as possible before you've hit critical mass.
When you're exhausted and cranky and running on fumes and think you've just about had enough - go into the baby's room and look at him/her while they're sleeping. Look a long time. You will feel better and find a reserve of whatever you need that you may not have even known you have.
And when in doubt, and there will be doubt, ask yourself if x or y is in your best interest or the baby's best interest. 'Cause the latter is what you signed up for.
First: congratulations! You are on the verge of a great adventure. Enjoy it.
And, chronicle. It's so easy now, with digital cameras, recorders and computers. Back in the day, we had to write it all out, and it didn't often get done. But, you are going to want to share memories with your kids when they get, old enough to appreciate it, and you aren't going to want to depend on your memory. Every moment is a treasure.
Good advice on here about names. It's your kid; pick the name and don't let anyone change your mind. It's a perfect name.
And, when your son/daughter is 20, take them to Bonnaroo. That's what my son and I did this summer (first time for both of us), and it was awesome. We chronicled that, too.
Oh yeah, and when taking off a dirty diaper, be ready with a towel/burp cloth/whatever to cover that baby up. Boy or girl, the air hits them and they pee EVERYWHERE. You've seen this in movies. They don't exaggerate.
Oh yeah, and when taking off a dirty diaper, be ready with a towel/burp cloth/whatever to cover that baby up. Boy or girl, the air hits them and they pee EVERYWHERE. You've seen this in movies. They don't exaggerate.
Also be prepared for when they crap in the bathtub, it is harder to clean up than you would think.
-Listen to your instincts. -Don't go broke buying a bunch of new things. My FB feed is full of people trying to constantly sell all of it. -Cloth diapering can be really fun if you have the time to give it a good try. (I happened to fail at it) -Breastfeeding is worth anything you have to go through to make it happen. But babies still thrive on formula. Go easy on yourselves and other parents. -Feed on demand but do your best to set up a sleep routine. Sleep as often as possible. -Keep 'em clean, sing to them, and snuggle them as much as possible.
Don't be one of those jerkstore dads who won't change diapers.
I didn't know those still exist. But that reminded me:
I was working long hours (there was no Inforoo at the time ) and didn't get home until an hour or two before they went to bed. But I almost always gave them their baths in the evening and that became a fun, special ritual. We'd blow bubbles and sing and use unholy amounts of bubble bath. It was a blast and a great way for me to connect with my girls even though I couldn't be around as much as I wanted.
Yeah... even if you're busy, always make time for something special. I read somewhere that when children want your attention, they really only need like 20 solid minutes of you to be content and make memories. If you can do more, by all means, do more. Don't beat yourself up for being busy, just cherish the time you do have when you can get it.
and this was a planned pregnancy.
