Post by The Big Capp Dogg on Jan 30, 2013 14:01:02 GMT -5
What? No, no - no interest. Look, turkey, you really think anyone wants to hear a couple Frogs in goofy robot suits playing outdated disco tunes? Tell 'em no thanks, we've got the Mouse all fired up and ready to do. Guy's a superstar: packed houses in Vegas, baby! El Capparino's checked him out a bunch of times. I was spun out of my head on pure MDMA and losing BOATLOADS at the high stakes Pai-Gow tables at tje Wynn, when I see crowds of teenage girls in next to nothing rushing for the elevator to the club to see this idiot push buttons dressed like Mickey Mouse! I tell you, he had those kids going wild! He's gonna pack the What Stage, late night! When those beret wearing surrender monkeys start playing Tao, tell 'em to ring us up.
Ok, I'll call you back. We'll lock in those goofy English bastards next. What? No, the ones who dress like 19th century bootblacks. Sanford & Sons, that's right. Nah, I gotta go. One of our employees is getting a little too free and loose with the info. Time for the Capp-tain to lay down the law. Stay loose, Hombre.
YOU BETTER CAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL SOMEBODY.
Well, well, well. If it isn't my favorite little bunch of misinformed basement dwelling shut-ins. Look at you, just clawing all over yourselves trying to justify your delusions, just ITCHING to open your pockets and fork over your hard earned cash by the FISTFUL to Ol' Capp Dogg. Better yet, call me SCROOGE MCCAPP the way I'm swimming in it! Capp Doggy Dogg here likes to stop in every once in a while, watch you idiots tear each other to pieces. Here's a secret - every time some noob comes in here and wants to talk Kanye West, guess what? A faithful AC employee, just here to stir up the pot for my amusement. We take bets on how long it takes your mutants to devolve into savages at the mere MENTION of Mr. West. When things get too quiet, too copacetic...BAM! I GOT MY LOVE LOCKDOWN BITCHES.
Now...on to more pressing matters. I see you've all worked yourselves into a pathetic pre-orgasmic FRENZY after seeing our deal pal "insider" poke her weaselly little head in here. We've all been VERY impressed with your knowledge, you little worm. El Cappo applauds your efforts.
That's a sarcastic clap, you fools. Here's a tip. If she knows what's good for her, she'll keep her trap closed. Otherwise, the only thing she'll be "inside" will be an oil drum buried under the Silent Disco, capisce? CAPP-ITAL PUNISHMENT.
Looking forward to taking your cash in just about two weeks time, you suckers loyal customers. Ever hear the phrase, "if you can't dazzle them with dexterity, blind them with bullshit?" Well, Albert Cappstein here has a GENIUS plan. You miserable rejects will be so BLINDED by the spectacle of seeing Sir Paul McCartney on the top line (playing the Other Tent late night Friday...good luck getting a decent seat!) that you won't even NOTICE that the rest of the show is stacked with lame festival retreads and last year's electronic music! Macca may have cost me about five mil, but I spent about thirty cents on the rest of the lineup!
1. Book McCartney 2. Book lots of crappy bands 3. ???????????? 4. PROFIT.
What's the reasoning on thinking WSP will headline over DMB? If you assume there's 4 potential jamband headliners in Phish/Panic/Daaaaaaaave/Dead and that Phil won't come back to the farm, it's DMB's turn in the rotation. See below:
2006: Phil and Friends 2007: Panic 2008: Phil and Friends 2009: Phish 2010: DaaaAAaaave 2011: Panic 2012: Phish 2011: DaaaAAaave
Phil is the only jamband headliner to headline more than once every three years since 2005 when both WSP and DMB were headliners and WSP closed it out on Sunday.
Unfortunately, I think it will be DMB instead of WSP because a) it's his "turn" and b) I think he has a bigger draw than WSP and would actually be billed second with Bjork 3rd.
edit: but my preference is Phil & Friends>WSP>>>>>>DMB