June 7-10 Bonnaroo June 22 Chris Robinson July 3 Death Cab for Cutie Aug 12 My Morning Jacket Sept 20-23 DeLuna Festival Jan 11 Fr. John Misty Jan 31 Lotus Apr 16 Black Angels Apr 26 Alejandro Escovedo
Oh, don't mind me, you goblins. The Capp Dogg is just over here having a good CHUCKLE at all you deluded morons. You really think I'd spend the COIN on a hard-rocking party act like GUNS AND MOTHERFUCKING ROSES and NOT have them headline? Wait until you see all 300 lbs of Axl Rose stomping all over that stage like a pissed off rhino! They're going to rock your weenies off! You filthy noodle dancing shut ins might not be able to handle it, but the TROO BONNAROOVIANS that post on our Facebooks will.
I see some crying going on in here. "Oh, but they can't headline, where will Bjork play?" Let me CLOO you in on something, you fools (see what I did there? The Capp Dogg is KNOWN for his wordplay!) - when my people came to me and said we had to book this loopy foreign broad, I didn't know who the hell they were talking about! They showed me some pictures, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let some lunatic wrapped up in a dead swan grace the mighty What Stage with her presence. That stage is reserved for the legends, baby! KINGS OF LEON. DAVE MATTHEWS BAND. TREY ANASTASIO WHEN HE CAN STAY OFF THE OXY. And, coming this year, DEADMAU5.
So you're worrying about Bjork, well, you lucky folks can catch her set at the fresh cut spiral chips stand, where she'll be ladling out cheese sauce for all you lucky attendees. My people said "are you nuts, Cappy? You can't have Bjork serving food!" and I said "like hell I can't! I'm paying her that much money, I don't want to hear her awful subguttural warblings! We may be paying her, but that don't mean she's singing!" I figured we'd put her back with the rest of the illegals that sling hash in all the food vendor tents, why not? Last year I had Rodrigo and Gabriela selling arepas for 4 hours before they went on stage! CAPP DOGG KNOWS HOW TO TURN A PROFIT.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a conference call with the Frito-Lay folks I've gotta get to. Gotta keep Axl happy!
1-1-12 Bassnectar NYE SHOW! 1-21-12 G. Love and Special Sauce 3-1-12 Radiohead 3-9-12 Experience Hendrix 5-15-12 Jack White @ The Ryman 6-7-12 Bonnaroo 6-19-12 Roger Waters presents "THE WALL" 7-7-12 Ringo Starr's 72nd Birthday Party Extravaganza at the Ryman