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This isn't random, it just doesn't have a home without a whole thread:
There are too many things people are quiet about here. Inforoo is part random community and part family -- I'm irritated to find out that problems are swept under the rug here. How can we think of ourselves as a family, even a dysfunctional one, if true issues are made unimportant for the sake of keeping status quo. Call it over sensitivity; call it whatever you like but the truth is much more powerful than silence. I have had an issue with something that was said recently, that I found flippant and insensitive because this person honestly did not find it to be. But being one of very few minorities here - I felt it; but apparently even though I wanted to close my account and say f- everything here. No one but 2 or 3 specific people were going to say a word. Maybe not important, maybe just scary - but I kept my distance in attempt not to bring raucous. Maybe there needs to be a raucous.
Ohhhh my. Just went back and read your FB post. Definitely insensitive on the part of the person who said it, regardless of the "context". Hopefully an apology has been provided? And that maybe this can be an opportunity for some to learn that some boundaries should never be crossed because the history beyond those boundaries is so full of hatred and evil. Indifference to how you felt about it is appalling
We're all a mess of paradoxes. Believing in things we know can't be true. We walk around carrying feelings too complicated and contradictory to express. But when it all becomes too big, and words aren't enough to help get it all out, there's always music.
This isn't random, it just doesn't have a home without a whole thread:
There are too many things people are quiet about here. Inforoo is part random community and part family -- I'm irritated to find out that problems are swept under the rug here. How can we think of ourselves as a family, even a dysfunctional one, if true issues are made unimportant for the sake of keeping status quo. Call it over sensitivity; call it whatever you like but the truth is much more powerful than silence. I have had an issue with something that was said recently, that I found flippant and insensitive because this person honestly did not find it to be. But being one of very few minorities here - I felt it; but apparently even though I wanted to close my account and say f- everything here. No one but 2 or 3 specific people were going to say a word. Maybe not important, maybe just scary - but I kept my distance in attempt not to bring raucous. Maybe there needs to be a raucous.
What's going on?
I tried to find the FB post and can't. What the hell is going on? Who upset my panda?
This isn't random, it just doesn't have a home without a whole thread:
There are too many things people are quiet about here. Inforoo is part random community and part family -- I'm irritated to find out that problems are swept under the rug here. How can we think of ourselves as a family, even a dysfunctional one, if true issues are made unimportant for the sake of keeping status quo. Call it over sensitivity; call it whatever you like but the truth is much more powerful than silence. I have had an issue with something that was said recently, that I found flippant and insensitive because this person honestly did not find it to be. But being one of very few minorities here - I felt it; but apparently even though I wanted to close my account and say f- everything here. No one but 2 or 3 specific people were going to say a word. Maybe not important, maybe just scary - but I kept my distance in attempt not to bring raucous. Maybe there needs to be a raucous.
I don't know the whole story, I only know the gist of what happened secondhand, but I was definitely angered when I was told what happened. I have no idea why, but people (in general, not just on Inforoo) seem to be easing up on their usage of that word, and it's not OK. It is an ugly word with a despicable history attached to it, and I think that, in situations like this and in life in general, it's best to err on the side of caution when you think you may hurt or offend somebody. I'm disappointed and upset with the person who said it, even though I don't know that person very well.
I'm sorry you had to put up with that, Anthony, and you had/have every right to be angry and upset. I hope you won't consider leaving Inforoo or the chat room for good because of one person's stupidity and insensitivity.
This isn't random, it just doesn't have a home without a whole thread:
There are too many things people are quiet about here. Inforoo is part random community and part family -- I'm irritated to find out that problems are swept under the rug here. How can we think of ourselves as a family, even a dysfunctional one, if true issues are made unimportant for the sake of keeping status quo. Call it over sensitivity; call it whatever you like but the truth is much more powerful than silence. I have had an issue with something that was said recently, that I found flippant and insensitive because this person honestly did not find it to be. But being one of very few minorities here - I felt it; but apparently even though I wanted to close my account and say f- everything here. No one but 2 or 3 specific people were going to say a word. Maybe not important, maybe just scary - but I kept my distance in attempt not to bring raucous. Maybe there needs to be a raucous.
I am guilty of being one of those people who avoids conflict like the plague. I was trying to justify it this morning as I read about this on your page Saturday morning, I believe. I didn't message you then because I didn't know if it would go to your phone and wake you up. Later, I decided to wait until later to see if you decided to return to chat. I didn't think of it Sunday for most of the day then decided to wait until chat that night. When you did sign on, I was already close enough to bed to table it until today. All of that sounds great and reasonable in my head, but I also know that it is partly me trying to delay the discussion a little. I'm glad you came back to express your feelings on the matter to us as I think a community needs that kind of dialogue to be honest and supportive to its members.
I am not sure who the other party in this matter is. I hope your post will get the ball rolling on some kind of resolution for this as you are someone I like having around.
Anthony, this is the first I have heard of this. I don't know about about anything being swept under the rug, I can assure you had I known about this there would be no sweeping under any rug. I hope you do not leave here or chat. This needs to made right.
Post by itrainmonkeys on Jan 14, 2013 9:25:31 GMT -5
Yea, I don't even know what the F is going on. If a complaint had been made or the post reported we'd do our best to deal with it. I have no idea what it being talked about at the moment so I'm hoping some of the other mods are more up to date/filled in.
Please don't leave, Bandeto. You mean too much to us here. I am so sorry this has happened. It is never appropriate as far as I am concerned, and you have every right to feel the way you do.
Yea, I don't even know what the F is going on. If a complaint had been made or the post reported we'd do our best to deal with it. I have no idea what it being talked about at the moment so I'm hoping some of the other mods are more up to date/filled in.
No complaint could be directly filed on this one, it happened over chat. And the other issues seem to under the radar -- many of them being personal. Hard to describe all of those things without being disrespectful to them
Anthony, this is the first I have heard of this. I don't know about about anything being swept under the rug, I can assure you had I known about this there would be no sweeping under any rug. I hope you do not leave here or chat. This needs to made right.
He has apologized, which for right now is all I can ask for. I never thought it was done intentionally -- I'm clearly more upset about all the elements involved? I was hoping at the time that it wouldn't get to me, being a super liberal, it wasn't really the word itself. It was the package.
Please don't leave, Bandeto. You mean too much to us here. I am so sorry this has happened. It is never appropriate as far as I am concerned, and you have every right to feel the way you do.
I will. I just am tired of fighting about shit. That's why I was trepidatious to even bring it up, I don't enjoy being the "angry black" guy. So I ran away, a deficit of my own, I will try to be better about it.
Yea, I don't even know what the F is going on. If a complaint had been made or the post reported we'd do our best to deal with it. I have no idea what it being talked about at the moment so I'm hoping some of the other mods are more up to date/filled in.
No complaint could be directly filed on this one, it happened over chat. And the other issues seem to under the radar -- many of them being personal. Hard to describe all of those things without being disrespectful to them
Ahhh gotcha. Just want to be clear here.....when you say "other issues" are you referring to this situation and/or the chat or do you mean issues with Inforoo the message board? Or personal between you and other people?
I just want to make sure that there's nothing we're ignoring or sweeping under rugs as mods.
No complaint could be directly filed on this one, it happened over chat. And the other issues seem to under the radar -- many of them being personal. Hard to describe all of those things without being disrespectful to them
Ahhh gotcha. Just want to be clear here.....when you say "other issues" are you referring to this situation and/or the chat or do you mean issues with Inforoo the message board? Or personal between you and other people?
I just want to make sure that there's nothing we're ignoring or sweeping under rugs as mods.
I'm fine with inforoo the message board, but ideas about and people in it have come up contentiously before. People have personal beefs I had no idea about, but I care about both parties. There have been times I have been ticked off about hatred displayed towards certain people, one of them I have met and friends with a close friend. Stuff like that, it just "revolves" around Inforoo too. I don't think I would be as butthurt about it if it was there in front of us on a post, where it could be archived. I was more worried that it would just be never addressed - some things are apparently NOT addressed :/
and thanks dave, lll, kyle, katbur, custeph, druid and anyone else who showed concern
Ahhh gotcha. Just want to be clear here.....when you say "other issues" are you referring to this situation and/or the chat or do you mean issues with Inforoo the message board? Or personal between you and other people?
I just want to make sure that there's nothing we're ignoring or sweeping under rugs as mods.
I'm fine with inforoo the message board, but ideas about and people in it have come up contentiously before. People have personal beefs I had no idea about, but I care about both parties. There have been times I have been ticked off about hatred displayed towards certain people, one of them I have met and friends with a close friend. Stuff like that, it just "revolves" around Inforoo too. I don't think I would be as butthurt about it if it was there in front of us on a post, where it could be archived. I was more worried that it would just be never addressed - some things are apparently NOT addressed :/
and thanks dave, lll, kyle, katbur, custeph, druid and anyone else who showed concern
PM me, message me on Facebook, or even call me if there is anything NOT addressed that needs to be. A lot of times things explode out in the open and are taken care of or addressed behind the scenes. I can understand how it may look as if nothing was done. It very well could be the case. This place is full of so much good, it really bothers me that some would feel that some issues are ignored or not addressed. You are a good dude, I enjoy chatting with you and seeing you around.
Bandeto, whatever happened that I'm not privy to, I hope you stick around. You're one of the good guys, would hate for something momentary that happened to force you to leave. I have an idea of what happened, and I admire you for being the bigger person about the whole thing. That takes a lot. But I can only imagine that it becomes frustrating when a good person like yourself is put into multiple of these "be the bigger person" situations. Your DNA is going to tell you to be the bigger person, but DNA can sometimes be overruled by chemical reactions people have to situations. Your choice to step away, calm down, and then come back to voice your concerns is admirable (and something many people, myself included, should try themselves).
Hopefully people will stop ignoring issues for the sake of feeling safe or whatever the reason is for ignoring them. Our generation really has no excuse for the shut-in, head-in-the-sand way of dealing with real issues (I realize not everyone here is from the same generation, whatever), which I see in real life as well as internet life, not just here.
Gnome/Bandeto/Anthony....you are loved by many people here. Please don't consider leaving because of one thoughtless remark (not sure what it was or the context but I can guess? )
Anyway, we're with you. And I'm ready to unleash a can of figurative Whoop-@$$ on anyone that hurts anyone dear to me... had I known about it or seen the posting I would not have let it go unnoticed.
Anyway, we're with you. And I'm ready to unleash a can of figurative Whoop-@$$ on anyone that hurts anyone dear to me... had I known about it or seen the posting I would not have let it go unnoticed.
Hugs, my friend.
Oh don't hurt the boy zen, he'll never learn that way
Post by A$AP Rosko on Jan 14, 2013 15:34:32 GMT -5
This is still bothering me as I go through my day today. I propose that, going forward, we allow and encourage Anthony (as one of very few minorities on this board, a point he mentioned earlier) to be vocal about it and express his concerns whenever one of our members is being racially insensitive WITHOUT making him feel in any way like he is being, in his words, the "angry black guy." This stuff needs to be brought up and addressed when it makes a good person like Anthony feel uncomfortable.
And it's not for white people to decide what is and is not OK when it comes to this kind of stuff; if something makes a minority feel uncomfortable, then that feeling is legitimate, and minorities have the say-so on what is and is not appropriate in terms of that kind of stuff. If a minority says something bothers them, then the lesson should be don't say or do that thing going forward. It shouldn't turn into a debate on what is and is not OK to say/do. That's called sensitivity.
Basically, what I'm saying is that funkybuttlovin better show remorse for what he did instead of defending his actions with excuses. Don't use the excuse that you were drunk, don't bring up the "-a vs. -er" distinction, just apologize (which it sounds like he might've already done to Anthony directly). If you said something in such a way that made Anthony feel that way, even if unintentional (and perhaps ESPECIALLY if it was truly unintentional), then that behavior is unacceptable and you need to apologize for it instead of defending it.
And this isn't really directed at funky in particular, I'm just thinking more in general terms about how situations like this should be handled and why the n-word should still never, ever be used. Like I said earlier, I think it's always best to err on the side of caution/sympathy. And like I said, I think that going forward, we should all grant Anthony the freedom to speak his mind when something bothers them, and if anybody makes him feel like he can't do that without coming across as the "angry black guy" (in his terms), then that needs to be addressed. /rant
Post by crazykittensmile on Jan 14, 2013 15:55:19 GMT -5
I was going to stay out of this, because I've talked privately to Anthony, but I feel like this is snowballing a bit. And I'm not speaking with any authority here.
By the same token, I think the other party should have a chance to right their wrong and reflect on what was said. And maybe a thoughtful and constructive conversation can come from that.
Name me one person who has never said or done something careless or stupid.
I'm just asking that we give him a fair chance to learn from this. I think we all can, actually.
I was going to stay out of this, because I've talked privately to Anthony, but I feel like this is snowballing a bit. And I'm not speaking with any authority here.
By the same token, I think the other party should have a chance to right their wrong and reflect on what was said. And maybe a thoughtful and constructive conversation can come from that.
Name me one person who has never said or done something careless or stupid.
I'm just asking that we give him a fair chance to learn from this. I think we all can, actually.
Post by itrainmonkeys on Jan 14, 2013 16:05:53 GMT -5
It took an a few awkward situations in real life for me to realize that what I say out loud affects others and can hurt them. One was in middle school, one was later in high school. Both were cases where I said something out loud without thinking of who may hear it and take it a certain way. In one case, someone spoke up and corrected me and in the other I wasn't spoken to but I had a self-realization moment that what I said could be interpreted as something that I didn't mean.
In either case....I realized that I had made a mistake and I try to this day to avoid certain words of phrases. There are many other words that can take their place.
Post by crazykittensmile on Jan 14, 2013 16:14:12 GMT -5
Back in high school it was 100% acceptable among my group of friends/peers to regularly say something was "gay" when it was bad/lame/etc. One day a teacher pointed out in front of the class that it was a hurtful and misguided thing to say, and why, and we all brushed him off as an old fuddy duddy who knew nothing (obviously) and went about our business. But within a year or two, it dawned on most of us that he was absolutely right and it was eradticated from our vocabulary entirely.
I'm even embarassed to admit that I ever thought it was a perfectly fine thing to say.
Obviously I didn't think "this'll really stick it to the gays" when I said it. But it was absolutely careless not to consider the words that were coming out of my mouth.
Back in high school it was 100% acceptable among my group of friends/peers to regularly say something was "gay" when it was bad/lame/etc. One day a teacher pointed out in front of the class that it was a hurtful and misguided thing to say, and why, and we all brushed him off as an old fuddy duddy who knew nothing (obviously) and went about our business. But within a year or two, it dawned on most of us that he was absolutely right and it was eradticated from our vocabulary entirely.
I'm even embarassed to admit that I ever thought it was a perfectly fine thing to say.
I had more or less the exact same experience. I think it's just part of growing up. Now, I would never call something that was lame "gay," but I definitely did it all the time in high school.
Back in high school it was 100% acceptable among my group of friends/peers to regularly say something was "gay" when it was bad/lame/etc. One day a teacher pointed out in front of the class that it was a hurtful and misguided thing to say, and why, and we all brushed him off as an old fuddy duddy who knew nothing (obviously) and went about our business. But within a year or two, it dawned on most of us that he was absolutely right and it was eradticated from our vocabulary entirely.
I'm even embarassed to admit that I ever thought it was a perfectly fine thing to say.
Obviously I didn't think "this'll really stick it to the gays" when I said it. But it was absolutely careless not to consider the words that were coming out of my mouth.
That's one of the two types of situations I was referring to.
In high school I had a job and our supervisor was this really awesome woman. She was a cool boss, but also strict when necessary. Definitely loved having her in charge and got along great with her. She also happened to be a lesbian but that didn't affect my view of her in the slightest.
Anyway, I also was quite comfortable calling things "gay" when I really meant "lame" or "bad". It was just how me and my friends and a lot of people in my environment were. So one day at work a friend was just talking about some random thing....totally inconsequential....don't even remember what it was.... and it didn't go the way they wanted and I responded with "Oh man...that's so gay" and I saw that my supervisor was within earshot. She didn't make it clear if she had heard me and didn't respond or chastise me. But I still felt like "Wow....why would I say that and use that word to get across my feelings of "Lame" or "That's stupid". It was never a problem and it never came up but I felt like she heard me. That was the day I made a choice to try and say things like that anymore. If I think something is lame I now say "Lame". I say I "try" because i'm not perfect and every once in a while it may slip out if i'm not thinking about it. I just know that it's wrong and even though my use of the word had nothing to do with homosexuality that doesn't mean I should expect people to not be offended.
Back in high school it was 100% acceptable among my group of friends/peers to regularly say something was "gay" when it was bad/lame/etc. One day a teacher pointed out in front of the class that it was a hurtful and misguided thing to say, and why, and we all brushed him off as an old fuddy duddy who knew nothing (obviously) and went about our business. But within a year or two, it dawned on most of us that he was absolutely right and it was eradticated from our vocabulary entirely.
I'm even embarassed to admit that I ever thought it was a perfectly fine thing to say.
I had more or less the exact same experience. I think it's just part of growing up. Now, I would never call something that was lame "gay," but I definitely did it all the time in high school.
I grew up in WV (lets not stereotype but lets be realistic when it matters). I know all about insensitivity to these things. Still when I go back home Im amazed at the shit that comes out of people's mouths. Im embarassed 90% of the time.
Bandeto - for every shitty thing that happens on this board, you can find 10 amazing things that come out of this community. Its not perfect, but I dont think you'll find a family that is. It sucks you had to be in the direct line of the shitty thing. We love ya dude and this place wouldnt be nearly as awesome without you. Hope you can find peace in the apology and maybe take some time off from the board? I know its helped me in the past when Ive disagreed with some things here. Lets not sweep it under the rug. This may be the first time someone is reading this and realizes that they could also be saying some insensitive things as well <3
This is still bothering me as I go through my day today. I propose that, going forward, we allow and encourage Anthony (as one of very few minorities on this board, a point he mentioned earlier) to be vocal about it and express his concerns whenever one of our members is being racially insensitive WITHOUT making him feel in any way like he is being, in his words, the "angry black guy." This stuff needs to be brought up and addressed when it makes a good person like Anthony feel uncomfortable.
Not looking for special treatment, it also doesn't not happen that often -- note the last two times happen to be concerning me. One of the reasons I pushed off so quickly. People need to speak up in general about things that make them and others uncomfortable. I'm still in a weird place about this situation because I never said I was holier than thou on using the word. So it striking such a strong nerve in me needed to be addressed, if mostly for myself and to explain my over reaction.
If a minority says something bothers them, then the lesson should be don't say or do that thing going forward. It shouldn't turn into a debate on what is and is not OK to say/do. That's called sensitivity.
Sensitivity is great but it's systemic. I'm probably in the camp right now that it has to change person by person. Just like gay marriage, general civility among people, political issues, etc. Hate or ignorance taught or let fall to the side. I'm also of the opinion that in some ways it's getting better - and others we are much more divided about in our culture.
If you said something in such a way that made Anthony feel that way, even if unintentional (and perhaps ESPECIALLY if it was truly unintentional), then that behavior is unacceptable and you need to apologize for it instead of defending it.
He has both publicly and privately apologized, holding it against him further isn't worth it. It just needed to be said aloud so it didn't get forgotten about.
And like I said, I think that going forward, we should all grant Anthony the freedom to speak his mind when something bothers them, and if anybody makes him feel like he can't do that without coming across as the "angry black guy" (in his terms), then that needs to be addressed. /rant
Less a matter of being restricted by you, more of a major issue in circles of black people. You know there is push back and you don't want to be a part of it. I didn't WANT to say anything, I wanted to go away. My heart and brain wouldn't let it go, and on some insistence, I spoke up.
I was going to stay out of this, because I've talked privately to Anthony, but I feel like this is snowballing a bit. And I'm not speaking with any authority here.
By the same token, I think the other party should have a chance to right their wrong and reflect on what was said. And maybe a thoughtful and constructive conversation can come from that.
Name me one person who has never said or done something careless or stupid.
I'm just asking that we give him a fair chance to learn from this. I think we all can, actually.
It is but to be blunt, it isn't the only thing I'm worried about; it just affects me directly. I'm sorry if I started a fire, I just don't like complacency in any form. I have a big mouth, a lot of passion, and a problem ignoring injustice.
And like I said he's apologized sincerely- doesn't make the whole conversation untrue.
Last Edit: Jan 14, 2013 16:45:08 GMT -5 by Deleted - Back to Top
Well, if anyone ever has an issue they feel strongly about, but don't feel comfortable for whatever reason discussing it (or being the person to bring it up)...you can always PM me and I'll do it. I really don't have a problem discussing anything.