I once spent an entire afternoon reading every post on your blog. Why did you stop posting entries? Why isn't it linked in your sig anymore?
First off, that's really cool that you did that. I spend so much time writing those pieces and am always taking down notes for new ones. That process brings me a lot of joy and satisfaction. So it makes me feel good when I know they're working and have captured someone's attention. I guess it boils down to a lack of creative drive the past few months and too many distractions.
I started this seven part series on how I'm a defunct human being and have had trouble wrapping it up. I feel as if I put myself in a bind and can't release other writing until it's done. A lot of that series concerns deep emotions from a year ago that I don't necessarily relate to anymore. That lack of connection to the material has pacified my drive to put it down. Plus I'm a lazy dude.
I posted a new section a few weeks ago and am working on the next bit by bit. The final two parts are mostly written, so maybe I can have it all done soon. After that I don't know if I'll get back to it or continue with this break. I've been really happy this summer and busy with a social life. Those are elements that I normally don't have to deal with haha. That's all fading and the state I'm in now is definitely more conducive to writing. Thanks for reminding me that I need to get back to this thing I love. As for not linking it, I guess I erased it for the goofy Commander persona. I'll add it back. Here's a little bit of the piece I'm trudging through now:
A Meth Snorting Rapist Named Kash
by Nolan Devine
Two days after Bonnaroo wrapped I was passing over Minneapolis on a cruise missile to Portland. Seated beside me were a mom and her infant daughter. I prayed the kid wouldn't lump its pants. The mom and I got to talking after she noticed my purple Bonnaroo band still snug 'round my wrist. She'd raved hard in the 90s but was now a professional with a husband and kid. I'm always into stories of how people grow out of the fun life because it seems a portal I'll never step through.
She plastered her crying kid with stickers to keep it from blasting chemtrails of snot. Soon she stuck a few to me. In my head I formulated a video idea of a man in Ninja Turtles underwear adhering stickers to himself. He narrates from a page inserted into a copy of Ranger Rick.
"When my brother died his soul entered the body of a dog. He uses it to f*ck younglings."
The video ends with the man holding those undies to a dog's sniffer. In a high pitched voice he utters "Hello, brother."
There's a whole subset of these people on Youtube. I used to watch 10 minute vids of them inflating their sweet clothes. If you want to go down an internet hole it's a fun one to jump through.
Do you own any life-size human dolls?
No. But about seven years ago I was camping in the woods by myself for a week. I made a giant doll version of myself out of cardboard and sticks with my face glued on. The plan was to get drunk on church wine and f*ck it on my final day. Inclement weather showed up on day five and sent me home so that plan died. There was no real reason behind the plan other than to try something new and see how it went. I was also a virgin at the time so I probs would've left cardboard me in a cum coma had we been left in the woods together for too long.
I'm not sure if you were in chat when I showed this documentary. It's a nice balanced look into people who don't use weather as an excuse when it comes to banging dolls:
What is the most money you earned in one day? How did you earn it?
High school graduation. I think about $800. I earned it by focusing my high school years on Star Trek, masturbation, and school work instead of getting to know girls. Other than that the most would be about $500. I make my living doing pharmaceutical studies and this one was pretty good. I think it was some kind of d for diabetics. I mostly just remember having an IV in my arm and passing the hours reading my first Hunter S. Thompson book.
We miss you in chat, when will you be back?
I kind of decided to take some time off from chat just because I was spending so much of my life in there. I still love it though and miss talking to all you awesome people. My problem is that once I get into something like that I'm bad at doing it in moderation. I'll try to drop in from time to time and will definitely become a regular again at some point.
You're a gold mine of awesome YouTube videos... What is your all time favorite?
Youtube used to be my life back in like 2008/2009 and I was really into weird vloggers who made hundreds of videos that got virtually no views. A lot of my favorites have been deleted over the years but here's a few of the best remaining:
An example of the kind of Youtube personalities I'd watch billions of videos from:
That one influenced this video of mine:
I was super into a spellcaster named Vampiric Spektor. I watched hundreds of his vids and befriended him over the years. He's referenced in that deer rib video of mine when I approach the bathroom door. Despite my pleading he closed his account a couple years ago and won't make new videos. A few videos of his have been copied and uploaded, but hundreds are now lost forever from the historical record. I just watched this one and without knowing it beforehand I get referenced at the end haha. I'm the dude he says is on meth:
In terms of something legitimate, this is by far my favorite:
Where can I find some sweet medical studies to participate in? This site lists most of the study places in the US. In general you have to be a healthy non smoker and not on any medication. If you have any questions about it I can tell ya what I know: link
I've just started watching Star Trek and I'm halfway through season 1 and getting a little bored. People tell me season 2 is when it starts to hit it's stride, should I stick it out?
No. Proceed directly to The Next Generation. If you were talking about TNG, it kind of reaches its levels of greatness starting around season three. DS9 is also pretty dope from what I remember but I haven't touched that since high school.
Who the f*ck is Evelyn?
what's your favorite color?
Black I guess. I also like neon colors. I don't really have one though.
is this you?: instagram.com/p/al97gtNXu2/
I wish. That's really, really cool. I was in San Francisco a couple years ago and this hobo hid behind trash cans with pine branches over him and would jump out to scare kids when they went by. A few months later my older sis was in San Fran and saw him at the same spot doing the same thing. I love street characters. Last year for Halloween I went as a combo of my two favorites from Portland. If you've spent time around Pioneer Square then you probably understand what this is about. Yeshua's Blood!
I've stole 40-50 or so over my lifetime. I don't think I have many left anymore though. The past few years I've tried to trim down what I own to just what I can fit in my car. Lots of barely worth keeping stuff like that has gotten the axe as I'm trying to live super minimal. My new thing is collecting hobo signs. If you find one on the street I'd love it if you picked it up and shot me a pm so we can figure out the shipping details. I only have a few so far but want more. I also created my own hoboish sign that's the centerpiece of my collection:
Which is your favorite?
When/why did you start collecting them?
It started when I was a kid flying to places for family vacations. I have no idea why I started but I thought it was fun to sneak as many off a plane as I could. I've always had goofy tendencies like that which I don't fully understand myself. I never really did anything with the bags. It was more about taking than any post steal appreciation. I'd also take safety cards and stuff like that. Most of that stuff just ended up in boxes in the basement for many years. I still take them when I fly nowadays, but normally just store them in my travel backpack before trashing the things. At this point it's mostly just a ritual of habit moreso than something I find value in.
Why no Shoutbox updates on evelyn or the pentagram?
F*ck someone hack my huggies email... I had 400 points and I know its my ex bf bansheebear did it mykidsrmylife
What is your most embarrassing moment? Please describe in graphic detail
I don't have a singular embarrassing moment that stands out. I have a lot of problems with social anxiety so the things that've seared themselves into my shame DNA over the years are those that'd be minor moments for others: Having to call and order a pizza. Not knowing how the credit card system at a grocery store works so I drive miles extra to one I've been to. Getting a stomach ache while filling out a job application. Talking to a girl and then realizing afterward I was spending way too much time rambling about myself and laughing at my own jokes. Those are the things that haunt and embarrass me the most when I'm in bed at night and thinking on the things I wish hadn't happened. Some of them date more than a decade back and will probably carry with me through this lifetime.
Around the age of nineteen I discovered I had a talent in writing. I've always been a goofy/creative person but I started a Xanga account and found I had something for the world to connect to. Now I look back on that writing and know it was sh*t, but that was still a formative period for me. I've written a couple books worth of stuff on my site and couldn't be more proud of it. I also love that I'm continually improving. I go back and read things I did two years ago and am able to fix them to fit with the standard I write with today.
This summer a cousin told me about a friend of his in the English department at my alma mater. The friend talked about a creative writing professor who often referenced me in her classes. Yay! I write from a point of view that is solely for me, my emotions, and my sensibilities. But when I hear that other people connect to that I feel so accomplished. I'm not technically the best writer by any means. But I know I have an ability to splay my emotions in a way that people who struggle with loneliness and personal discovery can relate to. Those are my strengths. I want to build on them no matter how challenging those acknowledgements of inability might be.
How do you survive off sacrificing your body for experimental testing?
I'm very poor but am able to do a lot. I haven't worked in about five years. I live above my station by picking food off the ground and guzzling beer from the garbage. I own almost nothing and rent rooms instead of my own apartment. I stay with my parents in the summer. They are my safeguard and I'm very blessed to have them as something I can always fall back on. Without them this life of mine would be considerably more challenging. I spend all my money beyond basic needs on experiences instead of things. I budget for about $800 a month which is a very comfortable living for me. I've adjusted to this lifestyle and it's now normalized. I wrote more about it here: bonnaroo.proboards.com/post/1184810
Follow up: any strange permanent side effects from said testing?
Nah none. Most of the studies I do are extremely low doses so the druq washes out of my system without any lingering effects. The worst I've had is throwing up really bad in a sink and having to skip a meal after an afternoon with a wash rag on my head. I've done 30+ studies and only a handful have resulted in side effects. I'm thankful that I've maintained such great health through all the testing.
What are the top 3 most Intersting experiments that you participated in, in your opinion?
None are too interesting. I did one where I had to stand in my undies and have a nurse with a pacemaker rub antifungal cream into my thighs. I wrote about that here: gabfrab.com/2013/04/07/fuk-north-dakota/
I did one where I had a heart monitor with leads on my chest, took a needle in the tummy, and had an IV pumping druqs into me body for hours. I felt like a robot when I had up to seven people leaning over me to monitor my status and extract my blood.
I did one where we dosed on inhalers. It was weird to take a druq that way after growing up with an asthmatic (kitty) friend. I've applied for studies that involve HIV druqs and strong narcotics that ya gotta snort but have never been accepted into them. There's a NASA study where you lay in bed for three months that I might try sometime. We'll see.
Part Minn bred myself, I wanna know, where'd you grow up in Minnesota?
I spent a bit under two years in Minneapolis though so can answer your questions.
Did you go to Valleyfair alot? Did you puke after riding the Corkscrew?
I've never been there. I got to go to a Six Flags in California last year and had an incredible time riding rollercoasters with my brother-in-law all day. Before that I'd never been on one. I'll probably live in Minneapolis again and definitely hope to hit up Valley Fair at some point. I'll use that time to puke up bloody tater-tots on the corkscrew.
What do you love about the Mall of America? Hate?
I think it's boring and non-essential. I never went when I lived there despite it being a quick train ride away. It just holds no appeal for me.
What's your favorite lake?
Lake Calhoun in Uptown. I went there many times with a lover to walk its ice, pace its perimeter, laze on its beaches, and swim in its waters come summer. I love going there. I've also had some perfect days at Lake Harriet. That whole system of Harriet, Calhoun, and Isles is one of my favorite spots in the world to be.
Why do Minnesotans wear socks with their sandals?
We have gross feet. Please suck my toenails.
Do you think you could keep yourself properly occupied/entertained in solitary confinement?
Yes but only for so long -- perhaps a few months at most. At times I'm a very solitary person and have gone almost two months without talking to anyone in person. But I crave human contact, even in its most minimal forms. Thankfully I have a couple good friends who'll take the time to skype/text/call when I'm at my loneliest. I also spend a large portion of my existence stuck in my head imagining moments and conversations with the people I wish to have a more involved life with. That keeps me busy. And as long as I have an internet connection I find I can waste an infinite amount of time and discover so many things to read/learn about. I read an article this spring by a man in solitary confinement who does a great job of conveying how hard it is to live a life without human contact. That's something I'm very afraid of and I'd definitely recommend giving this a read to anyone: solitarywatch.com/2013/03/11/voices-from-solitary-a-sentence-worse-than-death/
What do you miss most about your childhood?
No need for masturbation.
...what do you miss least?
Cleaning stuffy grain bins full of squirrels and rotten soybeans for $5.
Do you really sleep under a card table at Bonnaroo?
Yes. I have spent every day the past two years under a table or the bumper of a car, minus rain nights where I slept in my back seat. But next year I'm upgrading to a canopy. I had a good run beneath the dinosaur battle and will miss those days.
What's the strangest place you've ever slept?
I've spent at least a few dozen nights sleeping in my car across the country. I love sleeping in my car in million dollar neighborhoods such as near Golden Gate Park in San Francisco and the lakes in Minneapolis. Beyond that I've camped in mud along a river. This summer I did a solo kayak trip for three days and slept in a mud hole along the bank on a state line. That was incredible and horrid at the same time as I stayed awake the whole night as lightning struck in sight around me. Across the border I could see a person's house and wondered if they'd see my naked camping as I burned a fire. I think they were spared of that incredible sight.
Did the guy from the video you posted actually send you money? If so, was his curse successful?
The way he phrased it was confusing and incorrect. It was me who was to send him money. My friend and I said we'd send him $5,000 in exchange for a video of him doing a sexy dance and spanking his bare ass. At the time I was in a Facebook official relationship with him. We taped a $5 bill in an envelope and cut it open to make it look like it'd been full of money but robbed. This mystery became an obsession of Vampiric's for months as he owed a dr*g debt to his neighbors and needed the cash to clear his slate. He made all these videos about doing a "psychic sniff" on the envelope. He left me voicemails saying the post office had ruled it a robbery and that he still loved me despite no cash.
I also had a side story going about me being a meth addict. In time it was "revealed" that I'd in fact blown the five grand on torching crank out of light bulbs. When I met him I left a voicemail about the money on his phone just prior to the meet. He started listening to it as I was in his apartment pretending to use the bathroom while taking video of his room. My girlfriend at the time was afraid he was going to kill us for the money haha. I was too. Thankfully we made it out alive. And I still talk with that dude all the time. He's the best and will be my creative muse forever.
Will you share your sugar flavored pickle d*ck recipe? On a scale of 1-10, how hurt are you that GABFRAB never ate one of your flavored pickle d*cks? When did your obsession with Harry Potter begin? Which HP book is your favorite? Why? Which HP movie is your favorite? Why? Which HP character is your favorite? Why? Which HP character is your least favorite? Why?
I'd like to thank the Roo Academy for bestowing such an honor. To my predecessor, the great GABFRAB for believing in me enough to pick me...this young guy from Mississippi...to follow after his superior reign and to all the wonderful people so consumed by MOEMS that they probably won't look in this thread and know that I am now their leader. I thank you all.
Will you share your sugar flavored pickle d*ck recipe?
On a scale of 1-10, how hurt are you that GABFRAB never ate one of your flavored pickle d*cks?
I was pretty hurt. I'm not going to lie. It hurt to carry that thing around so long but I was determined to deliver it. I'll say about a 7. I know he didn't MEAN to flake on me but it still cuts deep you know? It has given me a new mission in life however. He WILL taste one of my flavored picked d*cks and I'm going to watch him eat it. Every. Single. Bite.
When did your obsession with Harry Potter begin?
Wow. I think it started back in 9th or 10th grade. My teacher loved me and thought I'd enjoy these books that she had. I was down to read them and after I read that first Harry Potter book I was hooked. There were only 4 out at the time and shortly after they announced that they were doing movies. It grew from something I really liked into an obsession. From that moment on I was a pot...terhead and hopefully one day I can tell you of the many things I experienced as a fan.
Which HP book is your favorite? Why? Just had to try and get me to nerd out huh CKS? Just want to see me go on and on about Potter. I see your game!
My favorite book would be between the 4th (Goblet of Fire) and the 6th (Half-Blood Prince). I remember being in love with GOF. It was the story that really hooked and inspired me. I haven't read it in years now but I do remember the feeling it gave but HBP may be my favorite. That book was fantastic. It kept me laughing and on the edge of my seat....bed...wherever I was reading it...for hours. I think out of all the HP books the 6th is the one I've read the most (mostly because in the midst of my nerdom I started writing my own screenplays based off of the books and I did about 3 or 4 drafts of that particular story)
Why is it my favorite? No spoilers from me but that twist at the end blew my mind. I remember falling in love with the characters again. That story is the last of the Hogwarts books and it's just a pleasure to read it. Ron's first kiss...Hermione's jealousy....Harry randomly hooking up with Ron's sister, and Dumbledore being all around awesome. It was a great build up to a very disappointing (book wise) finale. Plus I loved Jo's writing style in that one. It was just a great read and if I were to revisit the books again I'd probably just read that one.
Which HP movie is your favorite? Why?
Same as above. The movies are another animal altogether and I loved them. Like I said before I got so into it I started writing my own screenplays. I own all the soundtracks and have most of them memorized. The build up for HBP (the 6th movie) was intense. I think it was the peak of my Potter-dom to be honest. They pushed that movie back and I was a member of this Potter forum and we discussed and speculated that movie more than any of the others. Since it was my favorite book I wanted it to be good...it HAD to be perfect right? It wasn't. I honestly didn't like it the first time I saw it but man how it has grown on me.
The film is beautiful and poetically tragic. The cinematography was the best in that film up to the point. The score for the film is very simple but powerful. The actors improved so much in that one as well (Well except Dan...the kid who plays Harry...I think he was drunk a majority of that film and you can tell.) The thing I enjoy about that film is that you FEEL the weight on it. Everything flows together so well and the story they tell isn't exactly the books story...but a beautiful adaptation that really hits me every time I watch it. i can go on and on about it. I love that my fav book is also my favorite movie. I think they did the story justice (besides that STUPID Burrow attack scene they threw in the middle of the movie. Like WTF is that. Good idea.....horrible execution).
I also loved how they fleshed Draco out in that movie. I loved Snape and Dumbledore's relationship. The memories. Emma Watson came into her own in this one. Everything (besides that scene I mentioned before). After my last marathon HBP is still my fav out of the movies. It's not perfect but I always leave it feeling kinda down but hopeful...how I think it should be.
Which HP character is your favorite? Why? That I don't know for sure. Book wise I think I loved Hermione because she was awesome to read. Movie wise I'd say Dumbledore (the 2nd Dumbledore Michael Gambon). He was hilarious. He made that role his own and most fans HATE him. I think he's brilliant in it. When I read the book as a youngin I saw him as this old wise grandfather like mentor (much like Richard Harris played him) but reflecting back on who the character really is...I think Gambon hit the nail on it's head.
Dumbledore is a stubborn man. Out there. Hilarious and all knowing and kind of a prick. He does have the best quotes of the series and some of the best laughs I had reading the book and watching the movies were from Dumbledore. So I take back Hermione. Dumbledore is my fav both movie and books.
Which HP character is your least favorite? Why?
The giant squid. He just swims around and has no purpose what so ever.
You like the second Dumbledore? You're the worst kind of person!
But really, the 6th book is great. GoF has always been a favorite of mine because that's when the story really started to "grow up" and get a little dark.
How could you not love that entire conversation about strawberries he did to distract Fudge and that Hippogriff killer in the 3rd movie! That was hilarious! That made me fall in love with him honestly. I dunno.....I think he was more interesting to watch than the first guy. I think he was GREAT for the first 2 movies though. I like to think as Harry grew up he stopped seeing Dumbledore as this perfect figure and for the flawed man he really was. *end nerd rant
I agree about the books man. The darkness of GoF really blew my mind at the time. I remember that first chapter alone had me so pumped.
Now ask me questions people!! I know you're here!! I see you all in the MOEMS thread
I've taken a break since Potter. I think that's why I'm hesitant to jump onto the Game of Thrones wagon.
The last series I really loved was Stephen King's Dark Tower series.
I watch all of the Lord of the Rings movies every year...so I guess that's a geek out. I have the extended editions but it's become a tradition. I'm actually heading up to Kentucky at the end of this month to check them out with a friend.
Would you rather have a tiny Marlon Brando always drowning in your drinks OR a giant Marlon Brando always stealing your food?
Tiny Marlon Brando. I don't mind sharing my drinks but come for my food and I'll cut you. Why did you move out to the west coast? What did you do out there?
I moved out there to get away. I'd moved back Mississippi from Florida because I was homeless and had no choice. Once here I was looking for the next get away and AZ opened up. My aunt was living out there so I moved out with her for a while.
I grew up out there and I now consider it my second home. I got a job working in a bagel shop and became a legend there. I had steak that wasn't well done for the first time, got into good beers, made friends, hiked for the first time, saw the Grand Canyon, first camping trip, first apartment (without the help of my parents), chicken and waffles, lost 85 lbs, and so much more. I miss it so much. Who was the most inspiring teacher you ever had? Why?
I think there are 2 that stick out more than the others. My school distract here in Mississippi isn't the best. Most of the teachers had no idea what they were teaching most of the time and we were still using books that my parents used back when they were in school. Not trying to sound racist but the 2 best and most inspiring teachers I had were the 2 white teachers that were only there for a short time. Mr. Bihler and Mrs. Southwards.
Mr. Bihler, I think, was only there for a year and he left the biggest impression. He made me want to learn. At that time I was a big geography freak and we had to draw a map of the world and he was impressed with the details I threw in mine. I think it was Bermuda that I drew and he was shocked I knew that it was there. I always looked forward to going into his class and funny enough he just added me on Facebook as a friend about a month ago. He was just all around awesome.
Mrs. Southward was amazing. She was my typing teacher and she used to award us who got better candy. I remember the other teachers gossiping about her because of that method but it worked! She's also the teacher that introduced me to Harry Potter. They were just so open. If you did a good job they'd tell you and if you didn't know what to do...they'd actually help you! I never really had that before and I'm glad she introduced me to Potter.
I wish I had more teachers like those two. There are a select few more that I love but those 2 are for sure at the top. What is your most embarrassing story?
I was a Disney fan as a kid. Loved everything about it and at the time (I was in 3rd grade), Aladdin was THE movie. I had this Aladdin comic book that I just HAD to read in front of the class. I asked my teacher constantly could I read it to everyone until she finally gave in. It was my time to shine and I remember going in front of the class and just gushing with excitement. I started reading and I was determined to finish before the bell rang but somewhere before the half way point I had to pee.
You know where this is going I'm sure.
I held it in and I remember thinking I could hold it until I finished. I was dancing around and reading Aladdin at the same time. I remember someone saying I should go to the bathroom and me saying no I'm fine. I kept reading and I'd just gotten to the part where Aladdin and Jasmine kissed when I knew I couldn't hold it anymore. "Can I go to the bathroo....." and there she blew. As my pants became wet from the pop in my bladder, the look of shame grew on my face. I don't remember hearing anyone laugh or anything but my teacher sent me to the office. My mom worked in the office at the time as the secretary and I remember the look on her face as I wobbled pass the window.
Then there was one time when I got into a desk at school and got stuck.........
Geez, way to make the rest of feel like jerks. "After I donate my kidney to a friend in need, I'll still make the effort to go Bonnaroo and see all my friends even though I'm not crazy about the lineup this year."
Don't give me Fireball at Roo this year. I may ask; tell me no.